


If You Leave Tomorrow

by KassandraScarlett



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, First Kiss, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: It's too late to do this- whateverthisis.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43
Collections: Every Time We Touch: A First-Time Wincest Fest





	If You Leave Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> I did not plan to be doing any more codas anytime soon, but here we fucking go.

"So then what am I supposed to do?!" Dean's voice was too loud in the confinement of the car.

"You go find Lisa. You pray to god she's dumb enough to take you in, and you – you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me."

For a few long moments of silence, Sam dared to imagine he'd won. Then the car swerved and in the next second, Dean was scrambling to get out. Sam watched him stand outside, head bowed and hands locked at the back of his neck, shoulders so stiff they were shaking. Sam got out too, came to stand behind him.

"Dean."

"I can't." He turned around, eyes wide and shiny. "I can't do that."

"Dean-"

"No, you don't get it, Sam." Dean shook his head. "I _can't_. I _can't_ do that." He took a step closer, then stopped, hands curling into fists at his side. He looked away.

The silence was lighter this time, easy to break. Sam kept quiet anyway.

"When you died-" Dean's voice cracked on the word. "-I spent the whole time with you- your body. Before I made the deal. And I did that, all of that, because I didn't know what else to do."

Sam swallowed, feeling that familiar pang of guilt. So much of Dean's life had been shaped by Dad's standing order to _'take care of Sammy,'_ that he'd never had the chance to find something for himself. "It's not your job to take care of me," he said softly, because this was the mantra Dean had built himself around and it wasn't gonna break with punches or harsh words.

But Dean just looked more stricken. "That's not the point," he snapped, irritation flashing briefly over the pain. "I didn't do it just to _take care of you_ , damn it. I did it because I _wanted_ to. Because I didn't know what to do without you- and I still fucking don't. Because I wanted you alive and with me and that was worth any price." A heaving breath and his mouth clamped shut, jaw tight. He looked away again, shaken by his own ranted admissions.

Sam could barely breathe, staggering a little under Dean's words. Sure, he'd known all of that, on some level, but he'd thought... Well, ever since Ruby, Sam had been so sure that he was past redemption, that he'd fallen beyond measure in Dean's eyes. But this... Now...

"I'm sorry." It was all Sam could say- an apology for not understanding, for not trusting Dean when he should have, for leaving Dean in less than 24 hours-

"Don't!" Dean snarled, crowding into Sam's space. "Don't say that, don't you-" He drew in a harsh breath, fingers curling on Sam's chest and pushing him to the car. "You're not leaving forever, so don't make me listen to a fucking deathbed apology-" His voice shook. "I'm bringing you back. You hear me?" He was leaning up, eyes screwing shut. "I'm bringing you back, Sammy, because-" He pressed his lips to Sam's.

Sam was frozen in spot, struck dumb by the onslaught of honesty and desperation. Dean's lips were chapped and dry, teeth catching on Sam's lower lip almost painfully, swipe of the tongue soothing it over and Sam couldn't do anything but start to kiss back tentatively, couldn't think about anything except...

"Please," Dean begged, barely breaking away. _Please don't go. Please don't leave me. Please don't make me let you go._

For the first time so long, Sam felt a kinship to Dean. He knew what this felt like, this ticking clock that counted down to your brother's death, failure and loss creeping closer with every passing second.

He gripped Dean's shoulders, gently pushing him off. Dean let it happen, but his gaze seemed broken, like he already knew Sam's next words.

"We can't," Sam said anyway and it was so damn cliché that he almost laughed because _this_ was anything but typical. He was dying tomorrow. He wasn't going to let Dean start something that neither of them would be able to finish. Maybe if they'd both wisened up sooner...

Dean closed his eyes, turning away, face tilted up to the sky. "You always believe there's another way," he whispered, resigned.

"Not this time." Sam bit off another apology.

Dean shook his head, turning back around. He moved around Sam, opening the car door. 

Sam grabbed his elbow. "Promise me," he said again, pleading.

Dean didn't meet his eyes. "Yeah, Sam, I promise."

It was probably a lie, but it was better than nothing. Sam decided to take it and let Dean go.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: kassyscarlett


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